Thoughts...
by Mizu Kage
Summary: Squall is awake in the middle of the night when his thoughts take over his body...suicide contents in this one, so stay away happy-people.


"Thoughts..."  
  
By: Mizu  
  
Disclaimer-- If you think I should get sued for using the characters, then you are a bigger idiot than I though. Remember, you ARE at a fanfiction site. ~_^  
  
Author's Notes-- Read and review or I shall sic my rabid dog on you!  
  
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Squall tossed about in his bed, back and forth. It was too hard for him to sleep. Another endless night that seemed almost impossible to overcome haunted him over and over. Every night, Squall, reclining on his semi-soft bed, thought about his life. It always seemed worthless and nothing, and to him, everything else was worthless and nothing. Nothing seemed to interest his will to go on anymore. He sighed and slowly forced his eyelids to close. Still, no use...his eyelids, his mind, his whole body won't follow his desperate commands to sleep.  
  
His thoughts probed deeper and deeper into his life. Squall hated it when his thoughts did these. The deeper his thoughts got, the more pain it unleashes. He forced them to stop. "I...I...STOP IT!" He yelled at himself, yet they persisted. This night, his thoughts went deeper than it had ever gone. He wished so hard for it to end, yet nothing could stop it. He felt the sharpness sting of his lonely memories, tearing through his heart, as if torturing him to death.  
  
Still, his thoughts did not stop. The sadistic thoughts explored through his early teenage years and how everyone was beginning to leave him. Everyone at the orphanage was gone, and yet again, he was all alone. He was just recently sent to this school-like place called "Balamb Garden". He didn't know anyone at the new place. He only knew Seifer, and yet, didn't know him. "Seifer...he'd always been there...but I can't remember why..." He pondered hesitantly. It was painful enough remembering how Seifer teased him so many times. Because Seifer was so popular, everyone teased Squall along with him. They laughed, giggled, pointed and taunted.  
  
"Everyone....they've always hated me"  
  
Now, the torturing thoughts surveyed his childhood. His dreaded childhood that he had been trying to avoid since he learned the meaning of "ingorance is bliss". Squall was always alone, crying for his lost Sis. She was the only who actually cared for him. All the others...they didn't bother to care about him at all. They were too busy with each other. He didn't really know who the others where, he just knew that they've been there, and yet, they've never gotten to know him.  
  
Every night after his Sis left, Squall would run around that house where he grew up at. He would always look for his Sis. Of course Squall already knew that his Sis would never come back, so there was no use in looking for her. Still, he searched. Hoping...  
  
"Heh...Hoping is overrated. I was too stupid to Hope for nothing..."  
  
Squall was clearly in an amount of overwhelming pain. He curled up a little, still trying to forget everything. His heart beat faster and faster, with every beat a hundred times more painful than before. He could hear his heart chant very faintly.  
  
"Look at you...wuss...wimp...coward...why are you crying?" A faint voice yelled at him.  
  
The pain beat harder with every breath.  
  
"No one...no one ever cared for you in your whole life."  
  
Squall tossed some more, in confusion. "Where was the voice coming from? It's true...No one had ever cared..."  
  
"So...why are you still here?" It seemed to patronize him.  
  
"I'm still here because...because...I don't know..."  
  
"Can't answer, can you? That's because you don't deserve to be here! You don't deserve to be trapped in this world, in your body, with your pain." The voice slightly got louder.  
  
"................."  
  
"Your Sis is never coming back. No one will ever care for you again...and nothing's ever going to change..."  
  
Squall looked around for the voice. As much as he hesitated to think it, he knew that the little voice was right. He never really had a reason to be alive. He knew that he wasn't going to accomplish anything in his whole life...Yes, the temptation was too much for the 17 yr. old.  
  
"Free yourself...Smile..."  
  
Squall abruptly saw the his shining gunblade. It called out to him...attracting him...luring him to freedom... He walked over to it and stared at it for a while. He almost went mad, slowly fingering the cold metal...the smooth leather handle...toying with the Griever medallion dangling from it. Then, he stared at his exposed wrists.  
  
He licked his right wrists slowly...feeling his warm saliva, then he quickly took the blade and slashed the wet part of his right arm. Blood flowed from his cut. As painful as it was, Squall didn't mind. It was finally freedom for him. Using up some of his last strength, he took the sword in his cut hand and slashed the other wrist, feeling the slight stinging of the blade. Blood also flowed from the left wrist and the two rivers of blood seemed to linger within his arms, before falling onto the cold floor. The blood droplets on the floor sounded like glass globes shattering one by one. The stream of blood began to form a puddle around Squalls bare feet. With his final strength, he stumbled over to his bed and fell on his back on the bed. As more blood flowed, Squall whispered his final words before falling into eternal darkness and eternal freedom for him. He smiled softly, staring at the ceiling of his room, then fell unconscious.  
  
"Sis...I don't need you anymore..." Those words were heard throughout the room. 


End file.
